cycles

I am on my moon.


you know, a woman's moon time.

If I pay attention, it can be a contemplative time for me each month. Throughout the day today I lied in bed with a hot cup of tea, and a hot water bottle on my tummy and thought about the past month.

I am so thankful I have been able to shed various negative aspects of my life. In doing so, I have put myself in the world of inbetween, where uncertainty rules, and flexibility and possibility blossom, but where fear can also rattle me up if not kept quiet with patience and grace.

For one, I quit my waitressing job. It wasn't terrible, but the negative outweighed the positive nearly every shift. I am currently "sort of" in between jobs, as I am substituting at a pre school, and I have a after school tutoring training on Saturday, and a couple interviews scheduled for next week.

Secondly, I am still waiting to hear back from the MA in Education plus licensure/paid internship program I've applied to. I have a great deal of butterflies in my stomach about will I receive a "yes!" phone call? or a "we're sorry but..." phone call?

Third, I am seeing a special someone, who told me yesterday, " I like you more and more each day. I like you more than I did yesterday, and less than I will tomorrow." I feel a sense of uncertainty and excitement about where our courtship may lead. When he calls me, I get the classic 14 year old teenage girl nervousness, and I wait for my phone to ring a third time before I clear my throat, and give my cool and casual style hello.


I am processing a lot of uncertainity right now. I have learned from the past that everything changes, to be flexible and enjoy life.

In September I felt a lot of akwardness about my new job, my new apartment, my newly single life, my life away from China. I felt lonely and strange in my own skin. That time has passed. I do not feel lonely or strange anymore.

My mantra right now is: give it two weeks.

In two weeks I will have a new job(s), I will know "yes!" or "no..." about the MA program, and perhaps I won't feel my 14 year old persona come out everytime that special someone calls anymore, but then again, it's a fun feeling...



I will ride it all out, and try to enjoy it.