Post Modern Feminism--the challenge of having it all

The scales are not yet equal between men and women in the work-force. Women still only get paid something like 76 cents for every $1.00 a man makes. But we have fought, and we are still fighting, and we are closing the gap.

After second-wave Feminism in the 1970's, more women entered the work force, and pursued careers. The kids and Dad were left with microwave dinners, while Mom went to Night school, or took on a second shift. In Arlie Hocheschild's book "the second shift" she states: "most women were working outside the home but still performing almost all the labor inside the home (child care, cooking, cleaning, and so on).

In Bell Hooks' book, "Communion: a Female Search for Love," she goes on to state that women felt betrayed or fucked over by Feminism because instead of liberating them, it just gave them more work to do.


So yes, as a woman living in the 21st century in America, and coming from an educated, middle class house hold, I do feel like I can have it all.

But what does, having it all mean?

If it means a life of crying babies, and dry cleaning, and work deadlines, and car payments, and hot dinner on the table every night, and shopping and 40 hours a week on the clock---

I don't want it all.

What makes a happy woman?

What makes a smart woman?

Would having it all make me feel like I had it all?

Or would I feel like a piece of mush at the end of every day?

Yes, I am visualizing oatmeal.

I believe what would make me feel like a happy and smart woman would be not having it all, but choosing one, or two or three things to focus my life on.

For example: yoga, writing poetry, and teaching.

or

fermentation, travel, and drawing

or

mothering, being a wife, and writing prose

or

working, martial arts, and being a lover.

all of these alternate lives would be wonderful, but wouldn't it feel like too much if I had:

yoga, writing poetry, and teaching,
fermentation, travel, and drawing,
mothering, being a wife, and writing prose,
working, martial arts, and being a lover.

all in my life at once?!

If I am lucky, I will have a whole lifetime to do all of these things, but time is precious, and I may not be granted the time to be good and practice all of them. I must choose. I will not be swallowed up by the impractical and impossible idea that a woman must be successful in both the public and private sphere to be liberated.

I got to know a teacher while I was in China named Han Bo. She was famous in Tongliao because she was very rich, and had traveled to England and was also trained as a doctor or Oriental medicine. When I asked how she became so successful in her life, she told me, " I was very good at many things. I played violin, I was good at computers, I spoke English, I traveled, I was trained in medicine, and I did Tai Chi. I gave up all these activities, except for English and Computers, because I had to choose, and they were what I did best. It is a pity I had to give up everything else, but I had to if I wanted to be successful at anything."

Han Bo is a professor in the Foreign Language Department at Inner Mongolia University for the Nationalities, has written many books about teaching English as a Second Language, and has written computer programs to teach English to children.

What sound advise this wise woman gave me.

I am still young. I have time to explore and grow in my interests.

I know a life of happiness will blossom for me out of simplicity,

and simplicity comes out of choice,

and so my choices will make me a liberated woman.

Let's hope that I never have it all.